AM I BACK FOR REAL ?? GAHH , it’s good to be here again . I was contemplating to do a new blog domain since i’m over with the wedding phase and now to motherhood ! How time flies right . One moment i’m struggling with the wedding preps, now i’m busy with mummy duties . And also the reason I could actually draft out something here was because both my babies are asleep . Yup , mummy to a 1 year old toddler and a manchild .
I got married in Feb 2016 , got pregnant in March and deliver on December at the same year . Did i miss being pregnant ? Most definately. Would i want another one ?Hopefully not anytime soon. Alhamdulillah i was blessed with a smooth and easy pregnancy . No morning sickness or anything. No weird cravings,no water retention or whatso-ever. NA-DA . It was only at the last month of my pregnancy that I dread being pregnant because i was still active and working up till 39 weeks and baby had been at the bottom and somehow everytime i sit,my tail bone hurts really bad . Just imagine having to pull through it everyday for 8 hrs when you’r working in an office.You can’t possibly be walking each and everytime right.
I LOVE being pregnant , being spoilt by the lovely husband who goes the extra mile just to get what i feel like eating , who dun mind me putting on all the extra weights just so that i could eat and blame it on our child . How i would get special treatments on the bus and train rides but it doesn’t happen all the time though . Here not Japan one , not everytime people willingly offer you their seats . I only had my special treatments when baby turns 5 months because apparently before this my baby bump doesn’t look big and pregnant enough for them. I was blessed with the energy and health that Allah granted to me till i safely delivered my overdue baby after 40 weeks and 2 days .
Right from the moment i knew her gender , i had know the term or description of her.I knew I had to choose a name that has that meaning to it. How did i feel having to know that we’r going to have baby girl ? I CRIED !Well,not because i expected or wanted it but I was wrong , all along i had thought that it would be a boy because through out my pregnancy not even one of my relative or friends had guess it to be a girl so ya know..the social influence .. hahahah. And also i have always been dreaming of having a boy for the first one , just so that he could protect the siblings. I bawl my eyes out when the doctor told us its gonna be a girl because the very name that we had picked together was a boy’s name . HAHAHA . But now to think of it , did i ever regret crying ! Yes ! I should not ever have cried instead be very happy and thankful because my babygirl is everything to me now . She doesn’t look like me entirely but at times when i stare at her, i felt that she’s so much beautiful than me . A very easy baby and a very friendly baby. Like, “are u really my child ?”
So yes , 2016 was the most memorable year ever. To have to pee on the stick and waking up your husb on a saturday morning to tell him that you’r pregnant. Buying a few more test kits to be more accurate and just for the fun of it . And you know what , the cheapest one from Guardian Pharmacy works best for us cause when we bought clear blue test kit , there wasn’t any line that appear but also it fades away.
All the most awaited checkup just to hear and see baby’s progress. All the shopping for her. All the research on baby’s development. The updates on the baby apps. My husb and I were blessed to provide her with all the needs up till now,every minute we spend together nowdays are so precious . It’s like weekends go by so fast and the next minute, we are back to work again.
But beside all the good things that were happening for us , I had my heart broken and shattered at the last 3 weeks before i gave birth, My mother was diagnosed with cancer . So u see , this baby came a lot of stories and memories.She was my blessing , my gift from Allah . My mother’s very first grandchild before she pass on last year in October after a year battling with ovarian cancer . My mother’s very last title in this world . As a Grandmother .
So to speak , i brought my baby up my way . The way i learn it my own, from my experience friends, the net , pregnancy books and all . Since my mother wasn’t able to guide me along , my MIL was my guardian angel too always ensuring that I would be okay . She was a great help , never needing to meddle in my affairs. At times , she would be puzzled with how i bring up my baby but slowly , she respects it and never needed the urge to question me .
How was it like having to bring up a baby on your own knowing the very one person that you would want to be with was your mother. My heart was torn into pieces when i got to know about it , sometimes i regret being married or pregnant too fast because i couldn’t be there for her every time . Either i was hold up for work or the baby needed to head back to sleep or simply because i was to tired to juggle work , the mother’s role and also the wife role. She was able to be with us since baby was a newborn and also till she turns 9 months plus . Just imagine if she was well and still be around . She would have been the happiest person ever , but its not meant to be . Allah loves her more than we do, and its just right to return her to the creator because all i ever wanted was to not see her in pain or suffering .
I really do miss her , till today i can’t bear to re-watch all her videos and photos because it will do me no good . I will tend to get emotional and stress up . There were too many of ‘what if’ in me. I only got to enjoy her company for 26 years , but i think the most strongest of all people are my siblings and father . Having to tend to her daily without fail and caring for her and now losing her at a young age of 15 . She was my heart , i had always imagine if i ever were to lose her , i would have fainted but the news of her passing didn’t came off to that extend but instead , i cried the whole day . I cried till my eyes hurt , my head hurt and i felt like my blood vessel were torn apart . There was so many things i want to exchange with just to hear her say she loves me like she always do .But who i am kidding right . Life moves on right..
Fast forward, she’s a year old now . All grown up , a good eater. Still a friendly baby and a chatty one too . Still asleep till now day as i am typing this but i need to head to bed soon before i gets too sleepy to even wakes up in case she is thirsty and would want her milk at 4am.
Maybe one day , I will introduce you to her .Maybe if you happen to see me outside , there she is beside me . My precious sweetheart. MIA ARISSA ADAM.
Good night people xx